Bimmy and Boop

What do you seek?

2011-09-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

I am seeking to find peace and some level of happiness in my life of chaos and pain! To find the real me again, sometimes I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way. I have been donned "Superwoman", and have almost always come through for whatever someone needed, wanted, etc. I am a giver and my life has been centered around that more than I have realized! I love giving--but have found myself to be pretty empty-because I've not given to myself! Why is is it that we do that to ourselves? We as wives, mothers, sisters, friends, etc., we yearn for the other people in our lives to never be in want and we strive to fulfill all of their needs that we can and in the process there are seldom any leftovers for us, and the people we knowingly or unknowingly expect to keep our "given" cups full, either aren't givers or don't have it to give, and at times we end up either angry, disappointed, or hurt and feel that person has let us down. But have they? Maybe, maybe not, what if they have no clue as to what you need-are they a mind-reader-do we expect others to meet our needs more than we expect God to meet our needs? I think so-or at least at times, we want to think or believe that the people we love/that love us the most will always be there for us and have most of life's answers. But yet we don't stop and think that no one is perfect-we are mere humans and we will definitely not find what we are seeking if we are searching in the wrong places. Is this different with different personality types or do we all have this expectation? Do I seek for more than is possible to have/attain?Where does the contentment come in-the true satisfied contentment? Does it only come from being willing to settle for less--or when we realize that less is what makes us content? The world has so much to offer, so many things to have, places to go, sites to see, and so do we automatically rob ourselves when we look at all the missed opportunities or the things that we'll never be able to check off the list and think we've missed out?

I turned 50 this year and it hasn't been too long since I learned what a "bucket list" really was, I'd heard people talk about it, but until asked about mine I never gave it much thought. Then I started thinking--but very quickly came to realize I didn't want to think about it, because my immediate list would have very few things that would ever get checked off (because of my health)! I hesitated whether continue with my immediate train of thought, but humor me okay? So, not wanting to sound like Poor Pitiful Pearl, I will never feel the Hawaiian sand between my toes, see a real live kangaroo in Australia, go snow boarding with my family in Colorado, take a cruise "anywhere", work until retirement, or babysit/run and play with my grand-kids! Most of life's easiest tasks-things that don't qualify for the bucket list-would be on my bucket list! Things like shop/walk the mall unassisted, ride a bicycle, go anywhere and not have to be concerned with perfumes, aromas, etc., for concern of getting sick, just to name a few. So what do I seek--healing of my heart over the sadness, grief of the simple things in life that I've lost, I have so much life in me, yet everyday is a struggle of its own to try to do the things I enjoy. If you have your health--you've got about everything! Is that on your bucket list? Or, are you more concerned with what satisfies the mind or others? People have no idea of the struggles people with ailments go through on a daily basis, don't get me wrong- I WANT others to enjoy life--accomplish the things on their bucket list, but don't forget to take care of yourself or someone else along the way! I am reminded that God wants us to seek Him, and I know for myself, it is because of the ailments that I seek Him as I do. I also know that ALL things are possible with Him, and that with His help I WILL find what I seek if I seek it with all my heart!

Facing Goliath...empty handed

2010-03-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

This past week has been really hard, thus part of my title. I have been playing tug-o-war with whether to even write about this or not, but I feel by sharing my heart it may help someone else out there. I am not seeking pity nor do I want judgements, I just ask that you keep an open mind as you read and remember I am just human and that as a professing Christian it doesn't mean I have all the answers or that my faith isn't shaken on occasion, and at times I just want to run away from it all!

Over the last few weeks I have struggled with teeth issues. Its went from having a tooth cracked/crowned, one pulled, deciding what to replace it with, and now my jaw is giving me problems again. I have had TMJ problems in the past and surgery on both joints 18 years ago. I remember that surgery toooo well, wasn't an easy thing. Having fought it off for at least 6 years until I awoke one morning with my jaw locked shut, then I knew something had to be done. God was gracious and my healing time was miraculous! But now as I sit and ponder the problems at hand, I know there doesn't seem to be an easy fix. Being a Type A personality(take charge, organized, likes to be in control, leader), I am one of those people who needs to know all I can about something, (and partly because one of my fears is the unknown). I know, you may be thinking, the opposite of fear is faith, so where is my faith? Oh, it's here, its just being tested. With everything I have been through, just in the physical realm over the last 30 years it has made me the person I am today, but that doesn't mean I have it all together. I have known for a long time that in order to be more like Christ we have to suffer-that doesn't mean just in the physical sense. It doesn't mean that that makes it easier or that I don't struggle with each new issue. Along with all the physical issues I have, one of my biggest hurdles is mental-I have panic-anxiety issues really bad. I am very claustrophobic, I cringe at admitting that, because for so long I thought I was a bad Christian if I didn't trust God enough to have a handle on it. Then I learned that I have a chemical imbalance, as well as past traumatic experiences that have attributed to my problem. This is something I would NEVER wish on my worst enemy! If you have ever been there you know what I mean, and if not-thank God! It is the worst thing I have ever dealt with. It is something I don't want people to understand, because that means they've experienced it, I don't want that, and I know it is something Satan uses to try to bring us down. I know the scriptures-"no weapon formed against thee shall prosper," I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind," plus many others. But when you are in the fog of it all, you can't see, you grasp for something to pull you out, and often times you feel you end up empty handed. I'm not saying I feel abandoned, I'm just saying that in a battle of spiritual warfare Satan knows when and how to use his power to force you farther down in the pit. I know I allow my mind to play games with myself, and think the worst, I'm not saying that's okay, for me to some degree it's a defense mechanism-if I think the worst of a situation and it turns out better, then for me that is good.

After doing research on the Internet, I found that the most likely fix for my jaw problem (if it's where I think it is) would be a joint replacement, which involves major surgery and my mouth being wired shut for up to 6 weeks. Needless to say this sent me on a colliding roller coaster ride, did you get that, or maybe I should have said I was a train wreck! The doctors at Mayo have told me, no being put to sleep due to my diaphragm being paralyzed unless it was a life or death matter-well, not being able to open my mouth to eat seemed to fit in that category! AND then the thought of my mouth being wired shut-sent my anxiety off the charts! My sister(my unofficial therapist) reminded me that I did NOT have all the facts and that (1 Cor. 10:13)-God will not allow on us more than we can handle.. and I couldn't handle that physically or mentally!!! So for a couple of days I fought to hold onto that thought. But there was this voice, this knowing in the back of my mind, that sometimes/many times what we feel we can't handle and what God has in mind are two different things. Along this line, I was talking to another friend of mine, because I felt I was sinning because I was "worrying" about this, (she has a new grand baby born at 27 weeks-needs your prayers), she told me that she had wore a rut in her living room floor over worry/concern for this baby! She (we both) knows God is in control, that he can heal this baby, that nothing is impossible with Him, but she also knew that he lets babies die! So who knows where the fine line is in it being okay to be so concerned about something that it turns into worry? Trust is an easy thing when life is going smoothly, you know those mountain top experiences, but this valley life seems too hard sometimes. Patsy Clairmont (I love her) in her book Dancing Bones-talks about life in the valley. That we are actually valley girls and that's where our life is mostly lived, so we should be glad and make the most of it, after all the Israelites did that-right! Ha! Yea, for 40 years, well honestly I do love my life and am truly thankful for all my life lessons-looking at them from this side, but right now with Goliath staring me in the face it's not so lovely. And the part of the title about being empty handed means that not like David, I don't have a sling shot and some smooth stones, or feel that I have the confidence right now that I CAN do this, yes I've been through something similar before, but this could be much greater, that's the hard part. I know God is my refuge, my help in time of trouble, but I am at a huge "crisis of belief"! And what WILL get me through, what IS my weapons, is my friends praying for me. A friend once told me that I intimidate people by my strength.....me?, but I am 90 pounds soaking wet, a little wind could seriously blow me over. She said, "no it's your spiritual strength, I have been through so much and have come out the other side still loving, serving, and praising God, and apparently that's what intimidates others!" I don't want/mean for that to be the case, but I guess in some way that could be a good thing.

Add a few other things in the mix and by Sunday I was a basket case, and threw my all on the altar, it's so difficult putting it all out there-what will they think of me, but at this point I couldn't care about that. They prayed for me, and committed to continue to do so, my little church family is so wonderful. I feel their prayers and know they are helping me fight this battle. I can not let them or God down, so I am trying to just take one day at a time. With God's help I was able to track down my previous surgeon and will go see him on the 12th. In the mean time I am being careful with what and how I eat, and praying for a miracle, that somewhere in God's plan this really won't be a giant, just a temporary time of my crazy insanity. I'm sorry if I've bored you, but I guess being able to put this in writing has helped me better focus. One of my family members said I might have OSD-Obsessive Story-telling Disorder!lol If you read this I would covet your prayers over the next little while. God bless you and may your giants be few, and may your prayer warriors be many!

Too long in coming...thank you blogger friends

2010-02-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

I am so far behind on blogging that I decided that many of you out there had so many wonderful, inspriring things to say that I would spend my time reading yours, and once in a blue moon actually try to come up with something to say. For those of you who know me, that seems crazy because I am usually never at a loss for words. Lets just say its not the loss of words, but the lack of energy it takes to type them! This year has already taken a toll on me as I've been sick too much so far, I will spare you the boredom. But I tell you that, to say this, on days when I'm down, or not feeling well, I can come to the computer and pull up facebook or a blog and I am always enocuraged by what I read. I am blessed to have so many friends who have that special God inspiredness (is that a word) that because of your obedience to His guidance, I am touched! For whatever reason you blog, just KEEP it up, because there are many days your words are a lifeline for me and others I'm sure. I cannot say thank you enough. As Valentine's Day is just around the corner, if you are reading this, here is my valentine to you-May God richly bless you and may LOVE always abound in your life!

Time flies whether you are having fun or not...

2009-07-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

I've been planning to make a post for some time now, it just seems when I have time my brain isn't thinking along these lines and when I don't have time that's when I think about it. I have pictures from when the girls were here for Father's Day, but for some reason I can't get them uploaded to the computer...probably that lack of brain cell function again.
Our lives have been so crazy the last three months. We had to put Jim's dad in the Nursing Home at Prairie Grove the first of May. This has brought a whole new load of responsibility for me, one that I'd rather not have. His mother isn't doing the best either, and we are just trying to keep her going and able to stay by herself. Dealing with aging parents is a totally different roller coaster ride, and I've never liked roller coasters. With Jim's brother and his wife in Camden, it leaves all the farm stuff to Jim and there are way too many nights it is 8:30-9:00 or after before he gets home, and the weekends are used to play catch up! Thankfully the kids have been able to come home some or we wouldn't have been able to see them. It is very difficult now to try to get away. A word of advice to all you out there, make sure your parents have some kind of long-term care insurance and money set aside for care, because if you don't you won't make it. If they have any money at all, make sure they have it in a trust or something (for at least 5 years prior to needing it)to where when they need help they can get on Medicaid. If we would have known this it would have helped tremendously. It is ridiculous what it cost for this kind of care. There are certain aspects of this that I feel the seniors are being taken advantage of, but what can you do. We need to pray that the government would step up and do something to help take care of senior citizens, and better health care for all.
I'll get off my soap box for now, and hopefully have something more exciting to post soon. Take care and make sure you let your loved ones know they are loved-life is too short.

Spring Break Visits

2009-03-25T12:26:00.001-07:00

Last week was spring break for Mark and Cari. They left Texas Monday morning, drove to Oklahoma City, and then on to see Libby and Wyatt Monday, and spend the night with them. They had lunch with one of Mark's old professor's on Tuesday, and then on out here in the afternoon. Calloway had been taking some steps here and there, but after she got here she started walking more, and by the time they left she pretty much had it down. We went over to my parents for our family visit Tuesday evening. Mom cooked her usual supper (our favorite)of fried chicken, potatoes, corn, beans, etc. After supper we all went outside to watch for Libby. She had a student doing a cross-country flight from Tulsa to Fayetteville and back, they were planning on flying over mom and dad's when leaving Fayetteville, and we were going to see if we could see them. Needless to say we got some funny looks by people when they drove by and we were all looking up in the sky! We never saw her and found out later they were rerouted farther north. Oh well, maybe next time. We were all tired Wednesday morning so we laid down for a nap after Jim went to work, and then we went by his office so he could "show off Calloway" and then He took us to lunch at El Chico's. After Jim got home from work Cari, Calloway, and I went up the road with him to feed Freddie and let Calloway see the cows. She really enjoyed seeing them and hearing them "MOO"! I fixed barbecue chicken for supper and we just lazied around. Thursday we went to my cousin, Brenda's house to see her, Whitney, and Paris, then on to Mellow Mushroom for Pizza with Steph and Wes, some of their friends from the college days. Mark, Cari, and Calloway had dinner with his brother Adam and his girlfriend Sarah that evening. They had to leave Friday morning. I hated that they had to go, as Cari wasn't feeling well and was sick their whole way home. Their trip is always too short, but we are thankful for the time we have them. Calloway is growing up way too fast for our liking, but it is so much fun to see her learn new things and the day to day changes that come with this age. She is such a smart, happy baby, loves people and has such a sweet personality. She has that ornery side too, not sure who she gets that from!!! We're not sure when we will get to go back to Texas, but hopefully it won't be too long. I know for those in school and the families they go to visit the week is never long enough, I guess that's why they call it a break! I hope everyone has or is enjoying theirs!

Calloway with chocolate chip cookie on her mouth.

My sister LeAnn holding Sophia (Susan's baby), Lauren with Calloway, Brianna, and Mark in the background.

Sophia trying on Calloway's sunglasses.

Calloway eating her scrambled eggs for breakfast.

Sitting at Poppy's desk ready to work!

Poppy is proud of his granddaughter!

Calloway petting Freddie.

Enjoying the cows.
Calloway playing tug-o-war with Sassy! (This was so funny)

Calloway and Paris (Whitney's little girl-she's 2 months younger than Calloway)

Betty's Bovine Nursery is Officially Open!

2009-03-14T15:09:00.001-07:00

Most of you know we live on a farm and Jim raises cows as a hobby (my opinion, its too hard of work for a hobby). He tries to plan for the cows to start having their calves around the first of March, notice I said plan. Well last fall one of the bulls decided he didn't agree with that plan (just like a male) so he just went ahead and got in with the cows a little sooner. So, calves started coming during the ice storm the end of January. For those of you who don't understand the reasoning behind this, I will do my best to inform you what little "cattle ranching" I know! If babies are born in the really cold bad weather and the mommas don't take good care of them immediately they could freeze, or have problems, this means they need mommy assistance of the two legged kind. In years past Jim's mom has always taken the babies into her home and did whatever they needed to keep them alive, build up their strength, warm them, or whatever! Well last year neither of Jim's parents were feeling well when the first baby needed help, so, what does my loving husband do..... he calls me from the hillside on his cellphone and tells me he needs to bring a baby to the house. My first thought was I don't like the smell of cow poop, and what other stuff was there going to be to clean up. What was he getting me in to? If I remember correctly we had 6 different babies in my bovine nursery last year. In March I had two at one time, now that was quite the experience, and you think one of our babies can make a lot of noise at night! We only had one fatality last year, that little fellow was just too big, and the birthing process was too long and hard on him. Needless to say Cari and Libby could not believe that I let Jim bring baby calves in the house, they thought I had lost it for sure this time. Jim's parents have since had to go stay with his brother and sister-in-law in Camden, so I don't have any backup help now, so earlier this year I told Jim he needed to make sure that all deliveries ran smoothly, that all babies were born healthy, and the mommies did their jobs. He just laughed at me! (Of course I knew that you seldom ever get through a calving season without any problems)
So last night around 7 p.m. the phone rings, Jim tells me he has had to pull a calf, the baby is alive, the momma not doing so well, so I might need to open the bovine nursery. He had to go back and get the tractor and finish feeding the cows, would be home in a while. He comes in, says the momma hasn't gotten up (not good) and after supper he's going back to check on them. About an hour later he leaves with a heavy towel to dry the baby and in hopes they are both doing okay. He's only gone like 10 minutes and I have this feeling that things are not good. He comes in the back door and says, "time for me to open the nursery"!!! Let me inform you of what is now involved in opening this nursery-since I got the puppy for Christmas the cat has been "jailed" in the utility room, aka nursery, SO we move the cat into the main bathroom, some stuff has to go to the garage, because you need lots of room for these "outdoor" children, and I start pulling out all the linens, etc. for drying, cleaning, and warming this little guy who has been born in 30 degree weather, who is very wet and cold. Once we are ready, Jim goes out to the car, carries the baby in(65 pounds)and I go to warming towels, etc. In the meantime Sassy(puppy) is not too sure about all of this and thinks that every time he makes a noise or moves she needs to bark, which scares the little guy, so we have to try to shush her, not an easy task, and then of course she still doesn't know that she is a tiny thing and wants to be right in the middle of the excitement. It takes about an hour to get him warm enough he's not shaking and is able to try to stand up-this is Jim's job, seeing as the calf weighs almost as much as I do. He does pretty good standing and is ready for some milk. We fix him a bottle and thankfully he does a good job sucking and drinks it down. Mind you, every baby that comes through my nursery gets a name. Jim didn't keep up with them very well last year after they were released from my care, but he is suppose to this year! So Freddy was the first to be cared for in 2009. It was after 11 o'clock before we got to go to bed and by 1:30 am Freddy was ready to play. Jim fed him again at 4 this morning, so it was not a good night for sleeping! Jim went to check on the momma this morning and we don't think she is going to make it, Freddy was her first and that's a big baby to have the first time around. So Jim came home, we fed Freddy again, and he went ahead and took him back up to the barn lot, in case by the momma seeing the baby it might help her, but doesn't look like it will. So now Jim has a baby to feed twice a day. Then comes the fun part of cleaning up....washing the "dirty" linens, cleaning the floor, etc. Gotta be prepared for the next one he says!!! I really don't mind all of this especially if its on the weekend, but I don't like it for Jim or the babies, because it means there is a problem which causes more work for him. He said last night that a little over half have had their babies, so I am praying that the rest(about 60) go as well or better than the first half. If you ever need some on hand experience with baby calves let me know and I'll give you a call next time the nursery has to open.

A long awaited visit with friends!

2009-03-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

After almost 3 1/2 years I was finally able to go visit some very dear friends, Larry and Carla Hency. Or maybe I should say, quit planning to go visit and just made it happen. I have told myself for a long time I needed "to make time" to go see them, but just never made it a priority, after all, to have to drive for a little over an hour.... I feel really bad about that. You see I met them in Springdale Hospital in October of 2005, when Jim had his second surgery on his colon. Larry was in ICU from an auto accident where one evening (Sept. 21st if my memory holds me) he swerved to miss some deer and ended up in the ditch and is now a quadriplegic. I met Carla in the ICU waiting room as we were waiting for visiting hours to see our husbands. We bonded immediately. They had been going through some very rough times and were trying to get Larry transferred to a better hospital in Colorado. She tells me I was her angel and prayer support, what she doesn't realize is that she was "the angel" who had more strength than an iron man. It is amazing how God puts people together and they form bonds that hold so strongly. I have thought of and prayed for them so much. We have kept in touch through emails and facebook, Christmas letters, and a few phone calls, but nothing is ever as good as seeing that person and being able to exchange hugs and smiles. Thanks for yesterday, I love you girl. Carla, forgive me for being selfish and not making time to come see you sooner and more often. After much trial and prayer they finally got Larry transferred to Colorado. He was there until Carla was able to bring him home in May of 2006. After the accident Larry could breathe on his own, but after the surgery in Springdale he was on a ventilator. He came home on a vent and through hours of loving devotion and prayer Carla worked with him and got him weaned off the vent. She has taken care of him 24/7 since then. They have since returned to Colorado, and need to go back for some more adjustments, surgery, etc. She is an unbelievable woman. Not a nurse, never trained as one, just enabled by the Great Physician above, to do a task few could do. I know I don't think I could manage the job. And that's just the thing, she doesn't see it as a job, she loves her husband with all her heart and is so thankful she has as much of him as she does. It is a miracle that Larry is as "normal" as he is, after all he's been through. He has a motorized wheelchair and motivates it with a hand stick, he's really good at getting where he wants to go, unless its to town and Carla won't take him until later!!! LOL (They were planning a trip to town yesterday afternoon.)
I've always heard if you think you've got it bad/rough just look around and you can always find someone else in worse shape. I have to admit my life has been very trying lately and I've had many days where I was down and just tired of fighting this thing called sickness. But after yesterday I am uplifted in knowing that there is a brother and sister out there who are Praising God for each day of "sickness" they have together, who am I to complain...shame on me! Thank you God for reminding me of your power, your enabling, that you make us strong when we are weak, and that there is good reason to bear one another's burdens. When you see a wheelchair, a deer, or just the thought of these wonderful people cross your mind, please pray for them, that's what gets them through. We are all here for a purpose, not only to love and serve God, but to love and help others. God bless you today my dear friends, and don't wait too long to make that visit you need to make, someday it will be too late.

Timing...

2009-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

Timing... an interesting word. Every time I hear that word now days I think of "God's timing." After all that is who controls the time. I sit here with so much on my mind, but don't want to bore anyone. Today has been an interesting day. Let me back up a bit. Last week I had to go stay with my parents for 3 days during the ice storm. After Tuesday night we had power, but no phones, and so Jim didn't want me out here with no way to reach anyone. My parents had a gas stove to keep us warm, but the rest of the house was cool or cold, so making a trip to the bathroom sure got your attention. I tell you all of this to say, with my health issues, going from hot to cold, etc. doesn't agree with my body very well. So by the time I got home on Friday I wasn't feeling well, and by Saturday night it was "start the antibiotics", to kick a super bad sore throat. I have been feeling much better since Monday, but this afternoon within about 30 minutes I went from good to bad. I can barely speak, and that hurts, my airway is a little tight, and so I had to call the doc for stronger drugs-which I hate doing, but that is better than the ER.
So back to my original thought-Jim and I were planning on going to see Cari tomorrow, (Jim's birthday is today and Cari's the 13th, plus I have Valentine goodies for Miss Calloway)but now we can't. Plus Jim is tired from working eight 16 hour days instead of five. I'm not sure what God's reason is for us not to go, but I have to know there is a reason. It is too obvious with the timing of everything. Cari calls on her way home, and she's had a rough day at work, then Libby calls and she had a frustrating day, Jim doesn't get off when he's suppose to and so I am thinking, ok, what is the deal? Then I have to remind myself who is in control and that we have to take the bad with the good, tell myself things will get better and they could be a lot worse. That this is life and its not always pleasant. I believe we are in a "time" of trial, and that as Christians if we don't stand dressed for battle the enemy will do his best to overtake us. I'm ready for some brighter days, but I also realize that God will not let America continue down this road of destruction too long. If people continue to "take" him out of everything HE will make Himself known. I believe the end is near and that's why Christians are all going through such hard times. We must use our time wisely, and trust His timing in our lives.
On a better timing note-Libby and I were talking about one of her Owasso High School friends the other day. She hadn't seen her in years and hoped she could connect with her somehow. So tonight after she left work "later" than planned, she drove to Owasso to get something from Hobby Lobby that the other store "didn't" have yesterday, then went to Wal-Mart in Owasso "instead" of by her house, and guess who she runs into at the checkout line????????? This friend!!!!!!!!!! Talk about timing! Isn't God good? All the "time"!

Oh, the feel of a clean house, thanks mom

2009-01-02T15:29:00.000-08:00

Since I knew yesterday that I wasn't feeling up to going to Texas this weekend for Calloway's Birthday Party (you have to understand that trip just about does me in when I am completely well, let alone fighting a sinus infection), I decided to work on putting up my Christmas decorations. Jim was home so a good opportunity to use him as my pack mule. He carried in all the boxes and tubs from the garage, and I started to work. He helped with the trees and the stuff that was too high to reach from the floor (I have been banned from climbing utensils). I decided to put everything in plastic tubs this year as somehow a mouse had gotten into the box of Christmas stockings and enjoyed a meal on two of them. Living in the country has its disadvantages, but I wouldn't trade it for the big city life. So repacking became a new challenge. Before, I knew what went where and how everything fit together, not anymore. I decided I would try to pack what went in each room together, well that lasted all of 30 minutes. It's just simpler to put all the snowmen together, that way they can keep each other cool while hanging out throughout the year. It didn't take me long to realize why it had taken me so long to decorate this year, isn't it suppose to come down in less than half the time? Well after 4 trees, over 100 snowmen and various other things, I decided that was enough for the day. The beds were still to be changed out, the kitchen cabinets were still covered in lighted garland and snow, but that could wait until today. My sweet mother came this morning to help me finish up, iron, swiffer, and mop. This old body just can't handle those tasks very well anymore. I remember up until just a few years ago, after Jim and the girls would leave on Friday mornings I would get started. It was laundry and cleaning day. I would get ALL my laundry, ironing, cleaning, etc. done while they were gone. I was ready for the weekend and was free to go and do whatever came up. Boy does that seem like forever ago. I am still very thankful for the times when I feel good enough to do those things, but they are much fewer and farther between these days. I thank God I am still able to do what I can, with His help I have far surpassed anything the doctors thought would be possible. Some of you bloggers out there know what its like to have health issues and others who don't, I pray that you thank God each day that you can do what you do. Life is a very fragile thing and too often times we take it for granted and then when something happens like Cassie's new fight with cancer we are rocked to the core. GOD is in CONTROL and he made us, knows exactly what we can handle, but we also have to be willing to be submissive to the path He is leading us down. Generally a dark path, with not enough light, or so we think, to lead us, but a light none the less. A path not well traveled and unfamiliar to us is often scary, but that's where the faith comes in. It's all about FAITH-do you really trust Him? No, I mean do you? Think about it! What will come across your path in this year 2009? Are you prepared for heaven? I am, just not ready to go there just yet! So this day after New Years, I am thankful for a clean house, a mom who loves me more than enough to help me, and thankfully she is still able to do those things, but more importantly a Heavenly Father who is building the ultimate clean house for me someday where I won't have to be concerned with any of the things I've mentioned here. Love you mom and many thanks.

Christmas, Birthdays, and then some...

2009-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Since I told you of the story of Sassy a lot has happened. The kids all came home for Christmas. Libby, Wyatt, and their puppies got here Wednesday evening in time for a late supper. You know it's terrible when you have to bribe your children with food to get them to come home earlier, but I say if it works whoohoo! Anyway, they got a late start form Tulsa, and since Christmas Eve is my dad's birthday we had planned on going to visit after supper. Since they were running late I decided to just go ahead and run over there for a short visit and then come home and cook. So Libby called when they got to Springdale and I headed home. I got home and started cooking, you want to know what the menu was, ok, deer steak and rice and gravy. One of the girl's favorites, and it was fresh too, which makes it even better. So after supper we just relaxed and discussed plans for the following day.

Mark, Cari, and Calloway left early Christmas morning to come to Arkansas, since Mark had to be at church the night before for the Candlelight Service. We had a late breakfast and Libby had to have a manicure and pedicure (no one was going to see those toes in the cold weather, but you know how these girls are!), so she got 'em all painted up red for Christmas. They looked really pretty. Then the Burnett bunch got here around noon, we had a few minutes before we had to go to Jim's parents for lunch. We normally have lunch with his family and supper with mine. Jim's mom is one of the best cooks I know. She makes THE best mashed potatoes. We had turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry relish, brown beans, green beans, homemade rolls, corn, apple pie, and cherry pie. I think that was all. We had 18 people in all. We decided not to do gifts this year. So after everyone was complaining about their bellies (that's Arkie language) being full, we went in the main living room to have pictures taken. Now you have to understand, taking pictures with this bunch is like a three ring circus. You never know who is going to do what and when it might happen. A perfect photo opp just might be ruined by someone acting up. But this is part of what makes this side of the family fun and relaxing. Jim's parents are getting up in years and their health is not so good. His dad is 86, and his mom 81. So after running the batteries down in the camera we head back down to our house to have our family Christmas.

I bet you can't guess who had the most presents under the tree? It wasn't me or Jim! As I've told you earlier things happen when I go shopping in the children's department. We got so excited about Calloway opening presents that we forgot to take pictures, can you believe that. Well, I'm not taking the blame for it, because I had my own baby in my lap to take care of. We had a really nice time and got some good stuff. Jim got a web-cam so now maybe we can see Calloway more often, if he'll get the thing hooked up. Of course the big kids normally want money for some crazy reason, so that makes that easy enough. Although there was one present I couldn't locate in time, a pair of red leather Mary Jane's, for someone who, when they were little always wanted a pair. I won't say any names, but it wasn't my girls. Libby always wanted to play the drums, so she finally got one for Christmas! Mark loves puzzles, and so I was able to find one that I think will keep him challenged for a while! After opening gifts you can probably guess who had Calloway. She was making the rounds seeing things and saying, "What's that", and of course you know Poppy had to make sure she was satisfied at all times. No spoiling going on that day.

We went to my parent's for supper. We had fried chicken-mommas is the best, mashed potatoes, biscuits, gravy, beans, banana pudding, pie, brownies, and lots of homemade candy. She makes fudge, peanut butter balls, and coconut balls, the best part is you always get to bring some home with you. We decided with our family getting so big that we would just buy gifts for the kids this year. I have never seen a camera flash as many times as it did that night. With it being Calloway and Sophia's first Christmas, we had to make sure nothing was missed, or at least that was Susan's thoughts! (love ya sis). Mom and dad always get us stuff, no matter what "WE" say the rules are-I guess that's one of the benefits of being the eldest and the parents. I am really proud of my parents. They neither one have a high school education, but have worked hard all their lives, and instilled in us girls that a hard work ethic and a life of integrity is essential. I thank God to know that when their days on earth are through, that they have tried to do the best they could with what they've had and that their reward will be in a heavenly home. Life has not been easy for them, but they have showed us what family really means, that you stick it out and do the best you can. Their love is truly unconditional, and I'm grateful for all they've taught me. (Don't ask me how that fits in with Christmas-I guess just knowing that God gave His best for us, and that's what they've done.) We didn't stay too late as it had already been a long day, and Friday was going to be too.

Since Mark and Cari had to leave Friday afternoon to go to his dad's, we had a big birthday bash at Susan's Friday morning. We had 3-"first" birthdays to celebrate, my dad being 71, and the babies turning 1, Sophia on Saturday and Calloway on Monday! Lots of nice presents, food, and fun for all. We left there and went to Jim's Razorback Pizza for lunch, then Jim, Wyatt, and Sassy came home while Mark and Calloway dropped Libby, Cari, and me off at Trees N Trends, then he went to get something from his brother, returned to get us and headed home. The Burnett bunch got ready and left around3, then the Wagner bunch left shortly thereafter. A good Christmas and birthday fun, but just way tooooo short for my liking.

I hadn't felt good off and on all week, and by the time the kids left Friday I was feeling it! The sinus crud caught up with me and today is the first day that I've really felt like doing anything. And NO, I didn't stay up to see the old year out and the new one in! I know you are so disappointed, but I was sleeping good when it happened! What a way to bring in the new year! Happy New Year and hope you had a wonderful time with your families this Christmas season as well.

Early Christmas present...

2008-12-22T09:12:00.001-08:00

Yesterday afternoon my sister, LeAnn and I drove half way to Tulsa to take her girls to meet Libby, Cari, and Calloway so they could spend the night and then go Christmas shopping today, and we'll go back later today and meet them again. No big deal right, yea well, once everyone gets there, Cari and Libby get out, come over to me (mind you it is 19 degrees and the wind blowing from the north pole), my window is down, and Libby starts in with this story of how she is having a hard time getting one of my Christmas presents wrapped. I'm thinking just put it in a bag and let it be, no big deal. SO I tell her this, and she's like, "well it's not that easy, and about that time up over the door pops this little head! She and Wyatt decided I needed this little 2 pound teacup chihuahua puppy. She is so cute, I fell in love at first sight. Well needless to say it was all crazy after that. What we thought was just a routine trip to meet, drop off kids, and leave, was definitely not routine! So I planned to continue driving and let LeAnn hold the puppy, but she thought it would be best for her to drive and me start "bonding" with my new baby. Now before I continue, you have to understand that Susan, the baby sister is tall like me, but LeAnn is "petite". The girls are loaded up and ready to leave, waiting to figure out what we are doing, and then when I get out, go around, and LeAnn gets in the driver's side they realize some of what is going on, then the funny part, remember I am all legs 36", and so LeAnn is trying to find the pedals, well they were probable 12" in front of her, so she made this comment to the effect of them being in another state or something and we busted up laughing, the girls are wondering what is so funny, and as they see her scoot her seat forward they realize and we all have a good laugh. So finally she gets adjusted and we head home. Well except for one minor detail, Libby forgot the puppy's food, and the way we were going home didn't have a PetSmart store anywhere around. So another glitch in the traveling plans, we have to come back to Fayetteville so we can get puppy food. I drop her off and get home just in time for a bathroom break and a snack and I'm out the door to church. LeAnn decided on the way home that only in this family do simple plans turn crazy! LeAnn later informed my girls that there were to be no more 4 legged critters to be aboard in today's travels. I do have to say it made for an entertaining afternoon and when I got home Jim came out to help unload the Honda, well he got a "little" surprise! But I think he likes her, regardless of what he might say. So I want to introduce you to Sassy Ann Sargent. Not the best picture, but maybe more later.

Almost ready for Christmas

2008-12-20T18:19:00.000-08:00

It seems like the past few weeks have been so hectic and I still haven't got everything done. I am so excited about Christmas this year. I know Calloway will probably not really get into it until next year, but I had to give it my best shot. I have really enjoyed decorating the house this year, although it has taken longer than normal since my health doesn't cooperate as well. You may not know it, but I am just a big kid at heart. I don't believe in Santa Clause (unless you agree it is Jesus Christ), but I definitely believe in the Spirit of giving and cheer that comes with it. My only sadness about the holiday is that everyone on earth doesn't have Jesus in their hearts, enough clothes to keep them warm, food in their belly's, a nice warm place to sleep, and family to share it with. I am truly blessed beyond measure. The only thing I want for Christmas this year is to be together with my kids (I know they are grown, but they will always be my kids), all 4 of them, 2 by birth, 2 by marriage, and then the GRAND one! Boy, has shopping this year brought back memories. Trying to limit myself in buying for Calloway, well that's almost impossible when you are at the store and things just keep jumping in the buggy, or falling of the racks onto my arm!!! I don't know if anyone else has this problem, please tell me I am not the only one. I love to give and would be just as poor if I "were" a millionaire. Win the lottery, sure, then I could buy for more kids. It is at these times when I feel guilty for some of my blessings, when I see others so in need. I am so thankful that God has given me a sensitive heart and a gift of mercy. I know some of you bloggers made a "thanksgiving" list last month, they were great, and you could see the thought that went into them. It is at this time of year when I think of all of the gifts God has given to us, and so many of them undeserving. That's why He is God. How often do we thank him for sight, hearing, feeling, breathing on our own, walking, talking (yep that's me), being able to go somewhere alone and not be afraid, having someone with skin on who truly loves us, just to name a few. So many of these we take for granted, and there are people out there who live daily lacking in one or more of these areas. I think of a comment Becke made on her blog about her sister, (Kiley passed away earlier this year and was an organ donor, she gave the gift of sight to someone) Becke said, "I wonder if they see Jesus the way you did?", what an awesome testimony and legacy to leave behind for others. Next to loving unconditionally, I think our legacy is one of the most important things that is a work in progress, and one we should never forget. My prayer and wish for you this CHRISTmust season is many happy moments, much love, joy running over, and the peace that passes all understanding. God bless you and Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year!
(The last 2 pictures are: my big Christmon tree-decorated with little banners with the names of Jesus on them, and Calloway's Christmas bedding.)

Life in the Fast Lane...

2008-11-22T17:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know if the clocks are ticking faster or if I am missing out on some fun-you know they say time flies when you are having fun, anyway time is going somewhere. I can't believe Thanksgiving is less than a week away and Christmas just around the corner. No matter the day, it seems that mine stay way too busy. I feel many days that I am on a roller coaster and can't get off. It's already Saturday night and this time last week we had just gotten home from visiting Cari, Mark, and Calloway. Notice Cari's name is first on the list, well there is a funny story behind that (I'll try to keep as short as I can), so bear with me as I share. After we were there in October I looked at the calendar and realized it would be 11 weeks before they would be home for Christmas (they are going to Alabama for Thanksgiving), and so upon mentioning this to Jim, he said "well we might have to figure out a weekend when we can run back down there." Of course we all know why.... to see Calloway! Anyway, so I talk to Cari and she said whenever, just let her know. So I mention the 15th, Jim says, "Oh, I think I'm on duty (at work) that week, what about the 8th?" I said well, that's only 4 weeks, and then it would be 7 before we got to see Calloway, she might be walking by then. I asked if he could trade weekends, he didn't know. In the meantime I had asked Cari, and she said the 15th was fine. So, a few days later I am on the phone with her, find out they have a choir retreat that morning, but we could babysit if we want to---da!!!, anyway so I tell her about duty, etc., and Jim walks over and says, "Oh, I've already traded duty weeks and I'm going to take off at noon so it won't be so late when we get down there." That way "I" could see "Cari" more, since she would be gone Saturday morning!! Yea, right! I'm not completely crazy! Then a few days later he asks me what time I wanted to leave, would 10 am be ok? I'm confused, how can he take off work at noon and us leave at 10? I said, "I thought you were taking off at noon", well, he decided he could take off ALL day, go deer hunting early and then us leave by 10, so we could be to Cari's about the time "she" got home from school! I said sounds good to me. Well as anyone should be able to see, it wasn't so much that we needed to get down there that early for "me to spend more time with Cari", but for you know who to see Calloway more! He just thinks he's got people fooled. But, truly I am so glad she has him wrapped around her "hand", they are so cute together. I think he now realizes how fast they grow up and he doesn't want to miss it so much. He was always busy when our girls grew up, and didn't have a lot of extra time to spend with them. He was a good dad, and he's making a great Poppy! They say grandkids changes things and she has him. I can't believe she's almost a year old. I guess that's Life in the Fast Lane...

Fall and Hunting Season

2008-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

Fall time to most people means pumpkins, leaves changing colors, and cooler weather. Around here, these still hold true, but to some, one even greater-that's DEER hunting! My husband loves to hunt, he just doesn't have much spare time to be able to hunt. With living on the farm we get to see deer all year round. I can't tell you how many we have out here, they are all over the place, but it seems when hunting season starts they all are the best at playing hide-n-go-seek. It is really enjoyable in the spring when I ride with Jim to check on the cows and we get to see the little fawns running and playing. And then to be able to look out the kitchen window or on the front lawn and see them eating and playing is a real joy as well. They are so beautiful and full of energy. Well I write all of this to say Jim has been blessed this morning with an 8 point buck. He was so excited when he came to the house, although he said the "big" one got away. Apparently he shot this one and killed it and not 30 seconds later he could see a bigger one in the woods and shot twice but missed because it was moving. But he is thankful he got this one. Now we can have fresh deer meat to eat. I know what the kids will want when they come home at Thanksgiving! I will try to post a couple of pictures. Have a fabulous fall!

Trip to Texas, to see our girl...

2008-10-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

Jim and I left Thursday afternoon and drove(We made it in less than 6 hours-I think Poppy wanted to see his girl more than he would tell!)to Fort Worth to see Cari, Mark, and Calloway. Actually it was more to see Calloway than anything. Even though Cari thinks we came so I could help her with a garage sale and Poppy (Jim) could babysit. On Friday we sat up for the sale, and then just hung out. We went out to dinner at Logan's before Mark had to sing at a recital. So we got to spend the evening with the girls! Saturday we started early, I think before most folks were out of bed, with the sale. We weren't very busy, but did manage to get rid of some stuff and make a little extra money. Poppy had a great time babysitting, playing with Calloway and taking her for walks to look for birds. She is so cute, crawling and trying to talk. Sad thing is she is growing up too fast and is just tooooooo far away. It is so much fun watching her learn new things and how important the simple things really are to us. Saturday night Mark and Cari had tickets to go see a Gymnastics meet in Dallas, so Poppy and I got to babysit. Yippee!!! Poppy let me have her most of the time since he'd had her on Friday and most of Saturday. Although Saturday morning for some reason I got to change the bad poopy diaper! That's alright, this ole gal aint forgot how and didn't mind one bit. I love my girl. The only problem is the weekend was too short, or either someone ran the clocks (and sun) around too fast. But in all, I am thankful I was able to make the trip and we had a good time. Gotta love the family when ya can! The pictures below are: The first two are after Calloway had been crawling around in the garage and got her legs dirty, Cari was washing them off in the sink and she would squeal, she loved it! Next, she got my cell phone and thought she had done something big. Then me giving her some snack crackers, and lastly her and Poppy.

Dear friend, gone home...

2008-09-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

It seems time is slipping by ever so fast these days. One week ago today a dear friend, Linda unexpectedly went home to be with the Lord at the young age of 55. She was such a unique person, always wearing a smile and could make you laugh at the simplest of things. She was a carefree spirit. I met her in December of 1996 (when we lived in Owasso, Ok.) at McDonald's during their 101 Dalmation Toy Campaign. The girls and I were determined to get all 101,(without eating that many Happy Meals) and we did, with Linda's help! We got a rough start because she wouldn't trade a dog with me, little did I know this trading thing was a big deal! You made sure you got the better end of the trade, boy did I learn fast. She was my partner in crime when it came to collecting Happy Meal Toys. Just ask my girls. That was the beginning of my nearly 8 years of toy collecting. At one time I had over 2500 toys. We even did toy shows together, some of the funnest times in my life. I still have most of my toys, they are in bins in the garage (along with beanie babies, yes I know). I hope someday to be able to display them. I didn't collect from just McDonald's, no, I got them from everywhere, I even have all the Taco Bell talking chiwhaha dogs. I am still just a big kid at heart and I aint never gonna grow up!

Linda was the type of person who would give you the shirt off her back, and never ask for anything in return. She loved animals and fishing. Loved being outdoors and could do trim work on building a house as good as her husband, Larry. You hand her a nail gun and she was ready to go. I am ashamed to admit it has been years since I've seen her. Many times when I would go to Tulsa, I would think of calling her, but she had moved and lived an hour away and seldom did I have enough time to go visit, maybe I should say (sadly) that I didn't make time. I talked to her some, but one of those friendships, too long taken for granted.

Even though I didn't keep in touch very well over recent years, I am blessed to be able to say that I was able to lead her to the Lord about 11 years ago when we lived in Owasso, OK. She started coming to Rejoice FWB and Larry would come with her sometimes. I was there for her when her brother was murdered. She wasn't the smartest cookie in the jar, but I will tell you this, she never stopped investigating his murder until SHE found the weapon and who did it! Sad thing was, the town where it happened had a big drug ring and the local authories were involved, so they shut her down real quick. It was hard trying to get her to trust God and wait for Him to pass judgement. Her life had been threatened and yet she never wavered. So strong, and yet some stupid infection got the best of her. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes. I drove to Oklahoma Monday, then on to the funeral home to see her. As I stood there, regret flooded over me for not calling her two weeks ago while I was dogsitting for Libby and Wyatt. I had time then, before the wedding I had thought about trying to connect with her, but for some reason she never came to mind. Jim said I probably wouldn't have been able to go see her anyway, since my immune system is so low. But right now, in my heart that doesn't help any! This has been such a year of grief and loss, but I keep telling myself I WILL see them all heaven again one day. That's the hope I have for now, and I can only imagine what close family members are going through. My prayers have been going up for 11 families so far this year. That's just the people I know, and Praise God everyone of them were Christians!!!

I'm sorry to end so gloomy, but I guess the one thing that I have been reminded of too many times lately is never take things-time and people for granted. You may never see them alive again. Love like you never have loved and don't be too stubborn to say you are sorry. Grudges and anger have no time or place here, or at least they shouldn't. Take care my precious friends, and know that even if you don't hear from me often you are in my thought and prayers.

Explanation of pictures below...I'm still learnin'

2008-09-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

Please be patient with me, I'm still trying to figure this whole blogging thing out.
Below are a few pictures from the wedding. I am having a hard time controlling myself because I have so many I want to post, but I am trying to be a good momma and let the bride display them. Although she doesn't have a blog, she may have to get with the program.

List of pictures: All the granddaughters and great granddaughters on my side-Sophia, Brianna, Libby, Lauren (Brianna's little sister), Calloway, and Cari. My side of the family. The three of us. Poppy and Calloway (you see who has her!). Me and my lovely girls. Cari and Libby, what a blessing they are. And last but not least (even if she is sideways)-our precious Calloway, isn't she cute...(I made her dress).

Some wedding pictures

2008-09-16T16:07:00.000-07:00

Memories-from salon to studio...

2008-09-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

These pictures are from when Libby and I were rearended two weeks before the wedding. The first one is the nice gentleman who couldn't stop and the second one is the police officer who came. My pastor is always telling us to find something positive about whatever happens. So we got proof for this memory! lol!

Finally, time for a break, the wedding is over!

2008-09-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

I know most of you connected to my blog know that I have been very busy with getting things ready for the wedding. Life has really been a roller coaster lately. Today has been the first day I've had a blank spot on my calendar in months! The wedding turned out great and the bride was beautiful, if I do say so myself. Of course many folks say she gets her good looks from her mother! lol! The bridesmaids looked very stunning in their dresses and the groomsmen looked very sharp in their tuxes with hot pink vests and ties-I know they all loved that color! And Julie and Austin the flower girl and ring bearer were adorable. The wedding was very nice and formal, then the reception was fun and different. As far as I know it was all Libby wanted it to be, except some people weren't able to make the drive, or schedule conflicts, and she missed them not being there. There should be some more wedding pictures available after I get home on Saturday. I will try to upload some to facebook on Sunday. Hopefully the official photographer will have his online by the end of next week.

Even with all the pain caused from the accident 2 weeks before the wedding, I had so much fun sewing on Julie and Calloway's dresses and making all the airplane stuff for the wedding. This is like me in my element. Who knows what I would have come up with if I would have had a little more time and felt better. With getting to stay in the area this week I have gotten to see people at church and then with some visiting, that came to the wedding and it is fun to hear their thoughts on all the fun extras we did. Like the ice airplane floating in the punch. My mom and I made the mints in shapes of shoes, airplanes and polka dots, and the "Thank you" favors of chocolate and peanut butter airplanes for everyone to enjoy. Then as Libby and Wyatt were leaving they were bombarded with an array of small foam jet airplanes flying from all directions and altitudes!!! One even landed in her hair, thanks to pilot-Cari Burnett. Even the adults were getting into the airplane throwing... It was so much fun seeing everyone enjoy themselves and being kids again. Truly a time to remember. I will try to get some pictures of these things uploaded when I get home.

Libby and I have some great friends (and family) who helped with decorating and stayed to help clean up. We were out of the church by 9:30. Weddings are a lot of work (and money$$$), but when I get all done, I'm really a little sad because its over! Sounds crazy doesn't it? No more weddings for me, but that's okay. I am very happy for both my girls, I believe they have found their soul-mates and I trust God to richly bless their lives. I pray their love grows deeper and stronger with each passing day and that God is always the center of all they plan to do.

Oh, Oh, detail, can't forget this one-I ALWAYS cry at weddings, well normally-----anyway, don't ask me why, I have no clue. I made it through Cari's without crying, but honestly didn't know if I would with Libby's, cause she's my baby, the last one you know, some of you know, well no you probably don't because most all you bloggers out there have small children and the only thing you cry over is spilt milk....not really, oh, where was I, sorry, sidetracked, anyway, I almost teared up when she started down the aisle, then I said self, you can't do that and I made it without crying!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of myself. Now that doesn't mean that at the next one I won't shed a tear, because I probably will. But my goal was to not cry and I made it.

If you are reading this, thanks for sharing your hearts with us and for all the encouragement you bring to me. I may not have time to always make a post, but sometimes I do take a few minutes to read yours to lift my spirits or brighten my day, so for that I say thank you blogging friends.

A long month, but still here...

2008-08-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

The last month has been so crazy, I have been sick two of those weeks, gone to Tulsa to work on wedding stuff one week and gone to Ft. Worth to see Calloway (Cari and Mark too)! There have been days when I have felt like reading your blogs, but not posting. I thank God for blogging friends who love posting. You have been such an encouragement to me these past few weeks. Some of your words made me laugh and some made me cry, either way they have been medicine to my soul. The spiritual thoughts you share are truly an inspiration to me. I know some of you are going through very hard times and to see you smile through your words, gives me hope and joy to keep prodding forward when I don't feel strong enough on my own. These past few months my health and weight loss (28 lbs. in all) have been such a struggle for me. I know God is in control and He knows all things, but at times that still doesn't keep me from wondering what on earth is He doing? I am trusting God for X # of pounds before the wedding, and the first week I gained 2 and the next week lost one... but it IS coming!!! I know you are probably thinking who in their right mind asks God to help them gain weight, well this little skinny woman in the boonies of Northwest Arkansas does. When I gain it all back there will be a testimony and I am already excited when thinking about sharing it. God is such a miracle working God! So many times we ask for something and then miss it because we are either too busy, or we watch with "our" vision and don't see it. God promises us that he wants to pour out blessings from heaven. How many have we missed? It makes me sad to think of all I could have had if only I would have done.....whatever..... I am so thankful for His mercy and grace! I am blessed to be His child and to know he loves me unconditionally. And to think that those of you that I know who are reading this are my sisters in the Lord just thrills my soul. I was an only child until I was almost 14, and I remember being so lonely and wanting someone to play with, or talk to sometimes. And now God has blessed me with email friends, facebook friends, and blogger friends, WOW! I know we may never speak face to face, or on the phone, but being able to connect with you through this wonder called cyberspace is so great! Reading about you, seeing pictures of events in your life, sending and getting prayer requests-what an honor to be able to pray for someone, these are things I feel that are truly gifts. You never know how your life affects someone. Just remember that you are so appreciated and loved. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for being there. God bless you!

4F's-Family, Fourth, Freedom, & Fireworks!

2008-07-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

Family-As I think back to the memories of so many years of celebrating this holiday, I am reminded of how time flies. The first 15 years or so of the girls lives we lived out of town and would normally come home to see family on the 4th. Now that the girls are grown, live out of state, and we live by the family, things just don't seem "normal". It was a big adjustment on holidays and vacation times after we moved back home. It seemed at Thanksgiving and Christmas especially that something was missing. The girls and I decided it was the getting ready-planning, packing, and traveling that always went into making those holidays what they were for us. We weren't use to being able to sleep in our beds, in our house on Christmas Eve, and waking up to see what special things we might find. We truly didn't know what it was like to NOT be at Grandma's house during the main holidays. Our families never seemed to understand how hard it was at times with the girls growing up that we wanted to have those special times at OUR house. In some ways I feel like I have let my girls down by not having our own little family traditions at our house for the holidays. No legacy of those memories to leave behind. But in all of that I knew then that we needed to visit our family as much as possible so the girls would know their grandparents and vise versa. So I guess in some way maybe there is a legacy, one of making family a priority. So many don't seem to do that today! I believe Romans 8:28 with all my being-"I know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes." As I stated in an earlier post it made our family who we are today. It taught my girls what it was to travel (plan ahead for bathroom stops!), how to pack, how important family is, and what it really means to miss someone. My sisters are 14 and 15 1/2 years younger than I am, and after I married and moved away I missed them terribly. They were like my first children (God allowed them in my life to prepare me to be a mother in a strange town with no family) and missing seeing them grow up was hard. I wanted to be there for them like a big sister is suppose to be. I am so thankful that we all live close to each other now and can share our lives as often as we want. It still isn't the same without the girls home, but I am thankful and glad for them that they are doing what they want and are happy. As I get older and in recent months have lost so many loved ones, it reaffirms how important it is to spend as much time with those you love as you can. I love my family so much and am so blessed to have them.

Fourth-It always reminds me of red, white, and blue, (Blue use to be my favorite color, now it's pink, and red comes in second.) the flag-and what it represents to our country. How thankful I am that I live in the United States of America. In our world today I wonder where we are headed, but I still wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

Freedom-WOW! So much I could say here. Do we even come close to understanding the value of that word? Probably not, unless we have actually fought for it and risked our lives. I believe that next to salvation through Jesus Christ, the next greatest thing is freedom. And we take it so for granted. What do you think of when you hear that word? Free from jail, free to do as you please, free to worship anytime, anywhere we want, or do we just blow it off? I think America is fastly becoming a non-freedom country. If we Christians don't start taking a stand, praying more earnestly, growing in Christ, etc., we will not be free much longer. I think of all the aborted babies-where was their freedom, what about those murdered-their's was taken away,and if we don't prepare ours will be too. I don't mean to bring gloom on this holiday, I just think we need to be more appreciative of what we have and also plan better for the future.

Fireworks-I think of bright, colored, bursting balls of something erupting in the nighttime sky. Some so noisy it makes me plug my ears and they are still too loud (maybe that's a sign of getting older). I remember as a child my favorite thing was a sparkler, of course that's the only thing I was allowed to even get close to. We lived on a little country road, my grand parents lived right across from us and their front yard was edged with this green hedge. I remember my dad, uncle, and cousins having bottle rocket wars across the road and hiding behind the hedge. Everyone would bring their fireworks, sort them out for show and then the fire would fly! It was so much fun! We would end the night with homemade ice cream-my favorite! Oh, how at times I wish we could go back to those times, but I know it just wouldn't be the same. So now I may sit on my front deck and see what I can see of the neighbors show. But I still don't miss the noise!

I hope you all have had a wonderful day whatever it is that you've done. And may each of your coming days be filled with family, fun, and "fireworks"!

Life on the farm...Jim is finally getting to put up hay!

2008-06-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that we live on a farm. I don't think Jim ever thought he would actually get me to move to the farm, I like city life. There is 460 acres in all, (if you could see it from the air it would resemble the shape of a U), some pasture land, some woods, and then of course you have to have the hayfields to provide feed for the cows in the winter, oh, and I can't forget we have four homes on the property as well. His parents live on the original part (280 acres) in a rock house that is over 100 years old, and his nephew, Johnny (he's on the orange tractor/new rake) lives up the hill behind them in a mobile home. We live in a large double wide (use to be Tom & Debria's) on a little hill amidst many trees on what was Jim's Grandpa Sargent's place (180 acres), that he and his brothers bought 25 years ago. Tom, Jim's brother and his wife Debria, live (well actually they live in Camden now), but when they come home they have a double wide down by the road.

Life is never dull living on the farm. During the winter Jim comes home, changes clothes and heads out on the big tractor with 2 big haybales to feed the cows. Depending on where the cows are he may have to make another trip to feed the rest. Baby calves start arriving some time around the first of March, (or so that's the plan). This is fun to see the little things stand on their wobbly legs for the first time and then run and play. It's not so fun when they have a hard time being born, or it's too cold for the newborns and we have to bring them to the house. I think I had 6 different ones this spring to care for overnight-believe me, babies are easier and a lot lighter, the bottles are not as big either!!! I think my girls couldn't believe their daddy actually talked me into having a bovine nursery. Jim's mom normally does it, but she was sick alot this spring. I have some pictures, I may have to share one . We only lost one of our BICU patients-he went through too long of a labor and we never could get him to eat, better off that he didn't suffer. I had names for all of them, and I just can't figure out why Jim hasn't kept up with them for me, after all he only has around 100 calves! Then in the spring there is always the vaccinating, tagging, dehorning, worming, notching babies ears(our personal marking), etc. If I am able to help I get the easy job, doing the paperwork. The last order of the day is separating out the ones with babies and putting them over the hill to their pasture, and keeping the others on this side so we can watch them. Needless to say at the end of the day, by looking and smelling, there is no doubt where we all have been. Then hopefully some time in May or the first of June (it's very late this year-so much rain) it's time to put up hay. This year the guys got a new rake. Debria and I tease the guys about them buying a new toy-after all we know that the only difference between men and boys is the size and price of their toys! We have to keep an eye on them or they try to buy a new toy every year. They like to get an early cutting of hay and another one around August, so that we have enough for the winter. It takes around 500 bales to make it through a long winter. Then there's always brushhogging the weeds in the pastureland, working on fence, chasing cows when they get out-no, they don't always mind! And to think they do all of this as a hobby and a pasttime!!!!! Go figure-it seems like work to me, but I am so thankful that Jim has something he loves doing at the end of the day when his job is so stressful. And retirement will be down on the farm in the boondocks as my friend Paula says! I hope this hasn't been too boring for you, but I am always telling about me and felt it only fair to share some of Jim's love of life as well. The part of the farm that we live on was homesteaded by some long ago ancestor of his, so it has much meaning to us. And note for you history people, the original house his dad grew up in was used as a hospital during the Civil War-I think?!

29th Anniversary Celebration-I think!

2008-06-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

Another anniversary! We wanted to go out to eat to celebrate, but choosing a restaurant was a little difficult. Jim and I have started a new health regiment, in hopes of feeling better and living healthier and longer,(why should the kids get all the inheritance) so our diet is very limited. We chose Ruby Tuesday's (I would meet him there after work-how romantic) knowing we could eat grilled steak, steamed broccoli, and some of the mashed potatoes. It was really good. You know you've been married a while when you each sit on your own side of the "2 person bench", although Jim did come over to my side for a picture. So after dinner we went to Wal-Mart and got me some gas, he stayed to have 2 new tires put on his car. It took longer than expected, so he got home after 9. I watched the Bachelorette! Now does that sound like a night of celebration or what?!? Boy, how time seems to fly as you get older. I remember our wedding day, it started out a little rainy, but quit thank goodness, as we had to get the cake (made by my aunt, not some fancy bakery) to the church. I was scared to death(to this day I don't know why)! We looked so fine...me in my wedding dress I ordered from J C Penney's for $80, (from money I got for my birthday), a veil I borrowed from my cousin-something borrowed, and Jim in his light blue suit and platform shoes!!! I'm sure you can picture it! I'll spare you the majority of the details. We got married at 2 in the afternoon, then we drove to Rogers (seemed like to California back then, well it's not been that many years,) and ate supper at the Hi-De-Ho, now doesn't that sound inviting? It was quite the greasy spoon! Then we spent the night at the Holiday Inn! We didn't know about places like Cancun, The Bahamas, etc., not that we could have afforded it anyway! The next morning we ate an early lunch at Western Sizzlin', Jim calls it Skinny Moo Cow, then we went by the hospital to see his Grandpa, then on to my parents. Now that's what you call a HONEYMOON, 29 years ago at least!

My how time changes things, the world seems in such a rush these days, and where are they going in such a hurry? And simple-do people even know what that word means anymore? I am glad for most of life's luxury's but wonder if we haven't lost something in return. As we are in the middle of planning Libby and Wyatt's wedding, I think of how things are so different, and how it seems the world has made weddings into a competition of sorts. As Libby and I have been shopping for the dress, etc., I notice people being concerned more about what everyone else is going to think instead of what they want this day to be for them. I am so thankful that both of my girl's have and are planning for what "THEY" want for themselves, so people can see who they are, after all isn't it suppose to be all about the Bride and Groom! This is their day and I want it to be more than they've ever dreamed. So if your not busy on September 6th around 7 pm, drive on over to Owasso, OK and join us.

I am so thankful for a man who loves me unconditionally and has stood by me through some very hard times. He truly knows all about the "in sickness and in health" and has never wavered. God has truly blessed me and for a woman who is never at a loss for words, there is not enough space or time on this blog to tell you how wonderful he is. I pray for many more years together, and for my girls many years of joy and blessings as well.

Something new for year 30!

2008-06-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

With all the bloggers out there, I decided today, our 29th Wedding Anniversary was a good day for me to start. It doesn't seem like it's been that long, but when you try to think back to all the places you've lived, been, and all the things you've done, it actually seems much longer. And to realize that our love has stood the test of time and trials for all these years, reminds me of a greater love that we get from our Heavenly Father. For without Him I know we would not be where we are today. I Praise Him for his goodness, and for all He has brought us through. He has blessed us with a beautiful family and a church where we are loved and can worship and serve him with freedom.

Our little country church means so much to me. Partly because it is where Jim and I met 32 years ago on the "back pew." Me on one end and he on the other. My dad was the Pastor at the time and his dad was a deacon (you know what they say about the preacher and deacons kids!!), well anyway, it didn't take long until the gap in the pew became no gap at all. And now look where we are, 29 years later, we have 2 beautiful, smart, talented, lovely daughters, Cari and Libby, one son-in-love, Mark ,one future son-in-love, Wyatt, and one precious granddaughter, Calloway. We have lived in Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and now back in Arkansas-the place we both grew up. What a circle our life has made. Leaving home and moving so far away was hard, but God used those years to bond Jim and I together and grow our individual faith in Him stronger. Without these years away we would not be the people he desired us to be today. I am so thankful for those years of learning to be totally dependent on each other and God, and the special people he put in our lives. We were always blessed with a wonderful church family and neighbors who were grandparents, aunts, uncles, and mentors for my whole family. I truly believe there is something to be said for those young couples who for whatever reason have to move away from their families. They get a double portion of God's family blessings. I thank God that with both of our girls living in other states that they have a church family who are there to support and meet their needs when we can't be. God is so good. Don't get me wrong, I GREATLY miss seeing them on a regular basis, and Calloway is growing up way too fast, but I know they are where God wants them to be at this time. This gives me peace. It also helps me realize that each moment I get to spend with them is precious and should be used to the max. It also reminds me of how fast time is flying by and who knows how much of that we have left?!

I hope I can be half as good at blogging as those of you out there. I will just do my best and hope that something I say can be an encouragement or bring a smile to you. I love people and it is my desire to show you that in what I say or do. I must go for now as my tummy is calling for food!